Leadership

I recently had a conflict with someone I trust and respect. I made a suggestion regarding how to perform a certain task, with her being in a position of more authority than me, and my suggestion seemed to strike a nerve. She denied my case on the following three premises:

She had more experience, therefore she should just be followed and trusted.

She was distressed by conflict and so we shouldn’t create any.

She was uncomfortable with changing things, therefore, we wouldn’t.

To me, a person who expects blind obedience, who cannot step outside of fear in a moment of tension, and who sacrifices long term growth for short term comfort, is not a fit leader.

Some thoughts and examples.

1. When is leadership not accompanied by conflict? Leaders exist because we need people who can manage and wade through conflict to find good solutions. On top of that, the sheer presence of leadership almost always creates tension. In what nation does a president take office and every single citizen is ok with it? In which episode of Lost did someone not feel like Jack was unfit to lead the survivors?1 Additionally, recall that individuals have personal, often selfish, agendas. Good leaders set aside personal agendas for the greater good. This, predictably, upsets individual agendas, creating conflict. Therefore, leaders should take comfort in knowing that conflict is not always the end, but instead, if your heart and purpose are true, a reminder of the hard work ahead of you in creating teams and tribes which work for something larger than themselves.

Note: Less self-aware leaders may mistake their own individual agendas for big picture agendas. As a remedy, think carefully about not your own purpose and motivations, but the role played in society by the group you are leading. The best fit for all involved is a good place to start.

Secondly, conflict between individuals motivated by big picture, non-selfish thinking is of a different nature than the conflict I discuss above, and should not be viewed through the lens of my argument above.

2. By making any decision, or even opting to not make a decision, leaders upset balance and create disarray. Even leaders who make largely positive or good advancements create conflict and disarray. Steve Jobs caused a lot of problems. Abraham Lincoln arguably more. Jesus Christ? Insane. This is impossible to avoid - taking a stance is necessary in leadership and in life. Make decisions as wisely as you can and know that if your decisions are true and fair then the logic behind them will speak for itself. If it doesn’t, don’t be afraid to make your case. Explaining your decision and motivations effectively, with careful attention to your audience, can have a positive effect on persons involved, increasing trust between leader and follower by communicating deeper knowledge of a common purpose and shared goal. If your audience or team disagrees, you may have an entirely different problem.2

3. I would encourage any leader who is not creating conflict to start thinking bigger about the purpose of the work they are doing, and make bigger decisions to match it. Leaders who do not disrupt rarely make progress.3 Purpose is paramount here. Taking a close look at where you and your team comes from, what brought you together in the first place, and the good work you have accomplished together in the past is a great way to get a sense of the affecting potential you and your team can have. Purposes can be simple and superficial, like selling as much product as possible, or more lofty and heartfelt, like creating products which influence human lives in positive ways. Both of these examples work, but one is arguably more valuable than the other.4 Find the specific motivation that unites your team and spend time fully realizing it together.

To close, I want to specify that my friend whom I had this conflict with is worthy of much adoration. Her drive to maintain peace and speak hope and love into others is an asset in a world fraught with grief, pain, and distrust. I desire only to use this situation to speak to the nature of leadership and the ways in which it can be misconstrued. She later explained her thinking to me and I think her decision was the right one. As people, we could all learn to be more like her. As leaders, I would encourage all of us to see that conflict and disruption are not rooted in evil, but can be used as tools for positive change when wielded by those who maintain clear perspective, honest hearts, and a strong sense of purpose.

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1. I haven’t actually seen all of Lost. Is there one?

2. Still thinking about this.

3. Elon Musk’s high propensity to disrupt coupled with his hugely high propensity to progress make me confident that a leader with low propensity to disrupt would have a hugely low propensity to progress. Maybe there’s a beet farmer who creates 0 conflict by working alone and innovating hugely in his own work, but who is he leading? Let me know if you think of anyone…

4. Try this Simon Sinek TED Talk. He compares the marketing strategies used (historically) by Apple and Microsoft in order to make a case. I think you’ll find his argument compelling.